2159, third underground floor.

   Doussay was leaning over a paper of the third floor’s financial status. It was a long time ago, that she invented this system and it turned out to be very useful and easy to manage. But she needed to be focused and pay attention to every single R they’ve earned as a community.

   All her girls and boys were earning money down here, it was essential for everyone to work something. But obviously, some of their sisters or brothers weren’t that successful, for not being the most pretty or handsome person on the floor – this would’ve created an unbalanced situation between their relationships. Doussay saw this from the beginning but initially, her idea came from her own feelings of not being happy with earning twice as much money, as some other women. So, once she reached a certain time in her position, she came up with the sharing system: in every month, they all sat down together, measured all of their money, put them into one big pile and then shared the grand total evenly between them. If someone made a lot of money, they got some recognition but they still had to give the Rs to the common piggy bank – Doussay had to do it too.

   As they did this, they could pay for their own room, food and necessities and they were all capable of saving as well. If someone needed something, they had a meeting again and they shared their money with that person – and that person was usually Doussay herself. When she needed to spy, to buy ID cards, fake examination papers or someone’s silence, which things were much more expensive than all of their bills and living costs, the girls and boys were betting on each other loudly, which one of them wants to share their money with their beloved leader… so money was never a problem.

   But some time ago… Doussay started to save up a little bit more from these events. She wasn’t completely lying to her people – she couldn’t use them in such a cold way – she really did pay for those dirty matters. But if there were a few hundred leftover Rs, she kept it in secret.

   She still felt a little guilty for that. But… she never actually wanted anything for herself. Even though she had nicer clothes and more makeup, than others had – all of these were for work, not actually because she wanted them. Until a few years ago, when she met someone and that encounter changed her life. She knew she had no chance with that person – but she still could have something else from him. For an insane amount of money, of course.

   Doussay bit her lower lip as she was staring at the numbers. She was good at math but not extremely good. Yet she couldn’t rely on anyone else to check all the figures now. And check again. And again. Everything seemed fine but she couldn’t let a single mistake escape. This sharing system was quite easy to manage but just as easy to mess it up.

   She didn’t even know, who could take on this job, once she was too old or even died in the future. Her current family had no talent for leading. She really had to think about choosing and training a successor soon.

As her mind sidetracked from the figures, her body loosened a bit.

So, the knocking on her door scared her twice as much.

 “Yes?” She asked, after she quickly shoved the paper into her drawer and turned towards the door.

   A young man appeared in the doorway. He was extremely handsome – for Doussay at least – with a warm, white smile, sparkling, honey-coloured eyes and dark brown hair, which he tied up in a tiny ponytail on the back of his head. His appearance was easygoing, even somewhat sloppy but it fit him perfectly.

Doussay’s eyes widened.

 “Hey, look who’s here.” She stood up to embrace the boy. John hugged her tightly before they stepped away. “I almost forgot what you look like. Why don’t you come here more often?”

   The boy’s smile turned into an awkward laugh and he looked around at the furniture in the room.

 “Sorry, sis. I was working on my stories.”

 “Hmph. Sit down then. Don’t even think, you can go away any time soon or else you don’t have to come back ever!” She threatened him and as the boy sat down, she went to her sideboard to take out some beverages and glasses.

 “Okay, I won’t go away for a little bit. I just missed this place and you too.”

   As she was showing her back to the boy, Doussay grabbed a bottle slightly harder and her eyes got misty. Her heart pounded faster and warm feelings flamed up in her chest.

 “Then just stay here.” She said in the end and poured some beer for the both of them. She turned towards the young man and gave the glass to him. “I will introduce you to Mr Shaw. He’s always looking for a new assistant. He has one now, but the boy is drinking way too much. I’m surprised he’s still alive. You can do the job, it’s not that hard.”

   A light laughter, this is what she got and the boy was sipping into the sparkling drink. Doussay sat back on her chair beside the dressing table and looked straight at his face.

 “What are you up to, John?”

   Her voice lost the careless tone and she spoke in a much more serious and concerned manner before she took out a cigarette. The young man’s face twitched.

 “Don’t call me like that. Feels weird.”

 “I’m not going to call you by your pen name.” Doussay snored and took a sip from the cigarette. The smoke filled her lungs and gave her a bit of an easy feeling as if she was inhaling pure oxygen. “Then, I can call you baby. Since you’re still a baby in my eyes.”

   John just smiled and shook his head, stroking the rim of the glass with his fingers. Doussay pressed her lips together. She knew something was up. Indeed, John was a rare guest here since he left this place a long time ago but when he took the time to see Doussay, he usually sent a message before he arrived, so he didn’t interrupt her work. That way, they could’ve spent some time together. He never just showed up unannounced.

 “You’re sharp as ever, aren’t you, sis?” John sighed and laughed again. “You always seemed to know, what was on my mind.”

 “Because I changed your diapers. I raised you from a little shit to a bigger one. I know you well.” She lifted her chin slightly but she had a somewhat hard time acting tough with this one. John wasn’t the same as her other brothers.

   John rolled his eyes at her but he laughed again at the end. It was so easy for him to laugh. This boy was truly special. Regardless of how difficult his life was, he was able to stay positive and use his knowledge to educate others with such braveness. Doussay never had that chance to help people openly; she always needed to work from the shadows.

 “Well, it’s probably nothing.” John finally said. “I just had… some riskier stories, which were not welcomed that much in certain groups of the base.”

   Doussay’s stomach was tightening already. She crossed her legs and moved her feet up and down, while she clenched her fist on her elbow crook with her free hand, sipping into the cigarette again.

 “You mean that essay about the fall of the other two bases?” She asked with a biting tone. “Yes, you were extremely stupid to use such a sensitive topic in a public essay so carelessly. You were basically implying that OUR base will fall soon too. Have you lost your mind?”

 “You… You’ve read my essay?” John seemed shocked and then, completely ignoring her words, his eyes lit up with excitement.

 “That’s not the question, darling.” She scolded him right away, slightly raising her voice. “Why were you so ignorant? Don’t attack the base. Don’t bite into the hand that feeds you. At least not so recklessly! Do you want to be executed?”

 “Tsk… they won’t execute me just because of that. I’ve only written the truth.” John murmured but looked away and his tone carried a bit of uncertainty. “But maybe I’ll get into some trouble.”

 “You are IN trouble already, aren’t you?” Doussay strongly stubbed out her cigarette, just to light up the next one. “They want to arrest you?”

John showed an awkward smile.

 “I have to be quiet for a while. I might have to go out with my boyfriend.”

 “To the wilderness?” She asked a bit less loudly and her worry quickly took over her anger. She frowned. “Are you still with him? Is he good to you? His team… are they good enough to survive outside for months?”

   This was not uncommon. If someone was doing something bad and the Trial Court or the military found out, they’ve often fled to the wilderness from the base’s justice, until it dropped their case. There was a limitation period, which depended on the seriousness of the accusation – for light claims, it was six months; for bigger sins, it was at least a year. Only a few cases had no limitation period if someone betrayed the base or caused harm to the Arbiter, for example. 

So, this was a brief goodbye now.

 “Yes, they are. And he is willing to stay there with me as long as I need. But I will come back.” John smiled again as if they were just talking about the weather.

   Doussay didn’t like this at all. She had so many emotions all at once, she didn’t know, which one she should let out first, her anger, worry or sadness. Not as if she could show any of them… because for what reason? But in the end, the idea of not seeing John for a long time from now on made her unable to hold back completely.

 “… Can’t you just stay here for real? Give up on those stupid stories and have a less stressful life? Is it really that bad here for you to try to free yourself at any cost?”

John was looking at her deeply and he bit his lower lips. He started to stroke the glass again.

 “I wouldn’t mind that much to stay here. But it would cause you a lot of trouble. Unlike if I’m with my boyfriend. Going with him is easier; at least I can see him. Staying here, not being able to go out, and only bringing issues to your head is not a situation, I would like to be in. Sis, you’re not that type of rebel. You rebel in your ways and I rebel in my ways. We’re both rebelling though. We have much more in common, than anyone else. We’re really a family.”

   John was always good with his words. He had an artistic soul but also a much more confident and powerful personality, than Doussay had. If Doussay was a lioness, leading a pack of women, this boy was the young lion, who would live on his own just fine.

   Yet, she felt as the warmness from before taking her whole body this time. She looked away because if they would stare at each other, she wouldn’t be able to hold back her emotions.

 “Silly kid. Did you write down this speech before you came here?”

John grinned at her.

 “Maybe. Maybe next time I should write some drama instead of historical essays. How would I do in that? Did you like my style?”

 “Please, stay with the historical stuff,” Doussay answered immediately. “I die in embarrassment if I have to read your cheeky dramatic lines.”

 “As long as you would read them…” John laughed. “With all honesty, I didn’t expect you to follow my works.”

 “Who said, I’m following them? They are in the Monthly Base. I’m following another author.”

 “Really? Who?”

 “That… that one…”

 “That one… There are at least twenty other authors or poets in the Monthly Base.”

 “See? Why would I follow your works, when there are so many and much more talented ones? To be honest, you don’t even fit among them. You should just public your own book about your educational, inciting bunks. You can call it Revelations as well.”

John raised his eyebrows.

 “You know about the Revelations of John?” He asked in a surprised tone. – I thought you’re not religious.”

 “Your mom named you after him, how would I not know?” She smiled sarcastically, although, she kept it in secret that she actually had to read after the matter.

John laughed and shook his head.

 “You’re full of surprises today. But maybe you’re right. I might be making my own book about the history of this base.”

 “People will call it fake though.” She pointed it out right away. “Forget what I said.”

 “But… I got excited now.” John’s grin widened a lot. “I want to make my own book! But I don’t think I have enough information just yet. Maybe I will go and get some more data from city ruins. Or if you would be kind enough to keep your ears open… you’re better in collecting information, than anyone else. Just spill me some tea.”

And he suggestively moved his eyebrows. Doussay almost slapped him in the face.

 “Even if I would know something, I wouldn’t tell you! Get your info for yourself!”

 “So you know something.”

   Doussay took a deep breath and pressed her lips together. Of course, she knew something that would fill a whole book. But she wasn’t in the mood to talk about it. In fact, if she would speak about the matter, they all would be executed on the spot for spilling that tea.

 “Do tell. Please.”

 “You said, you’re going to the wilderness.” She coldly spat this out. “If you stay, I will tell you.”

   John’s excited smile fainted a little and a distinctive sadness crept onto his beautiful features. He hung his head in the end.

Doussay swallowed once and closed her eyes.

 “I won’t tell you, even if you stay. This is not something that you should ever publish. So don’t make this face in front of me. Some things should stay hidden forever.”

   John looked up again and it was clear, that his curiosity didn’t fade with his smile. But he respected her words enough not to try asking more questions.

   At last, Doussay’s second cigarette burnt down without her sipping into it. As they mentioned these matters, she couldn’t help but think about those old memories, about that book-filling matter and she quickly lit up another cigarette.

~¤ß¤~

2135, the Garden of Eden.

   Theresa’s mom was hugging her tightly, as they were waiting in the dark room. The other girls were sleeping and it passed 10 pm. This wasn’t the first time for Theresa to be awake at such a late time. Her mom used to sneak into her room, regardless of how many girls were sleeping with her, just to talk to Theresa.

   It made Theresa feel special. None of the other girls knew who their real mom was. They were not supposed to ask and they were loved equally by all the adult women on this floor. But there was some warmness in this knowledge. They all wanted to know secretly.

 “Mom.” She said, leaning to the warm chest, hugging the slim waist. “I’m feeling sleepy… Would it be a problem, if I don’t want to go today?”

Her mom’s arms tightened around her.

 “Theresa…” She whispered and with her sweaty palm, she stroked her daughter’s forehead. “Sweetie. This is your only chance.”

   She understood but also didn’t. They spent many late nights together and her mom was talking about a lot of stuff, which was a bit complicated for Theresa. She somewhat understood the Rose Manifesto, because that was taught in her classes. But when her mom mentioned the Rose Incident or when she spoke about rebellions or that they have to break free from these chains and how hard it is and such things… she wasn’t sure if she understood why.

   She just wanted to be like her mom. She wanted to have children so that she could give this feeling to them that she experienced with her mom – she wanted to sneak into her own daughters’ or maybe sons’ rooms and tell them stories or show them love and care, and make them feel special. She was always amazed by seeing babies on the lower floor, they were so cute and she wanted to hold them, kiss them and love them, as her mom loved her.

   She didn’t want to leave the Eden, not really. But she also understood that her mom wants the best for her and that this is important for her. Theresa wanted her mom to be happy. She could not bear to see her mom’s sadness or tears.

   The door was opened with a faint clicking noise. First, it was just a thin line of golden light that penetrated the darkness of the room. Then, the line widened and they were able to see the corridor behind a shadowy figure.

   It was Madam Lu. She seemed much bigger than usual, maybe because of the lightning behind her.

Theresa and her mom got up and they slipped out of the room beside Madam Lu.

   When she passed by her, Theresa noticed the huge belly under the parting, white lab coat. Theresa got a bit excited. It seemed that Madam Lu expected a baby but the girl never actually saw such a huge belly. Most women had only a little belly when they were expecting a baby.

 “I got a new name and ID card for her.” Madam Lu said to Theresa’s mom, as they started to speedwalk towards the end of the corridor. “I put her on the list of the Class C kids. They will be sent out to the Outer City soon. You have to be ready. She can’t join the kids before they line up at the train station. If someone notices her and they figure out, that none of the kids know who she is, it will be troublesome. We should cut her hair too.”

   Theresa suddenly got scared, hearing the last line. The other ones, she didn’t really understand though. It was clear to her, that they were doing something bad now and they had to be sneaky. But she didn’t expect the comment of her hair.

   She spent endless time making her hair look like her mom’s. She had the same, brown coloured hair… but to make the rings at the end of the strands stay loosened and flawless, she needed a bit extra work every day. Her mom’s hair was naturally wavy. Theresa envied her a lot. No one else had such wavy hair in her class, which meant, she was really the child of her mom. It was their thing.

   Madam Lu brought them outside the building but not to the streets, it was some kind of grounded backyard and a bridge with a roof was going out from it somewhere. They stopped suddenly at this place.

 “Wait here a little bit.” Madam Lu said, still whispering. “I’ve prepared some clothes too. I’ll get them. Once we are done, you should go back to the Eden. I will lead her to the train station.”

   Madam Lu left in the same direction, which they’d come from and Theresa and her mom found themselves alone in the dark yard, under the green aurora’s light, which made their skin tone much whiter, than usual. Or they were just both very pale.

   Her mom knelt in front of her. Her face was always very calm and kind, a bit rounded, her eyes smiling at her daughter… but not now. Now, the only thing Theresa saw in the beautiful, blue eyes was fear. This made her feel the same as well; her heart was pounding in despair.

 “Mom, I really don’t want to go…”

 “You have to. If you don’t… you have no idea how painful is to live here.” Her mom shivered as if she was convincing herself, rather than Theresa. But her tone also carried a hint of certainty and crispiness. “Your fertility score was 80, way too high… even I haven’t had that much and I still had to do… do…” Her mom’s voice trailed off and her eyes got much more sparkly than before. “If you don’t leave now, your body will be used until you die. They won’t let you escape. This is my only ask for you. Please, don’t say, you don’t want to go. You have no idea what’s waiting for you if you stay here. And your mom did everything, that she could… even Madam Lu risked her job and safety just because she likes you… we went so far, that we managed to get you an opportunity. You have to understand, Theresa. Some other women would kill for this opportunity. It won’t be easy for you, I know. I know. It’s not easy for me either, because I love you so much. But exactly because I love you… I can’t let them use you. Please, baby girl, understand. Please, remember everything I’ve ever said to you.”

   Theresa’s eyes and nose started to sting and she couldn’t help but began to cry silently. Even then, she listened to her mom obediently. Her mom wiped her face with her shaking fingers. Her palm was even more cold and sweaty than before.

 “Do you remember, what I told you to be?” She asked then and Theresa swallowed the lump in her throat. It was hard to think. She just wanted to hug her mom, fall asleep and get up tomorrow morning, go to her classes, secretly meet with her mom again during the lunch break, then go to her other classes and at night, wait for her mom to sneak into her room and cuddle with her. Frankly, the girl didn’t want anything else now.

 “To… to be… like Madam Lu.” Yet she said in a cracking voice and sniffed a few times to control herself. She didn’t want to be like Madam Lu. She wanted to be like her pretty mom.

 “Yes, darling.” Her mom stroked her chest with a faint smile. “Be like her. You know why?”

Theresa shook her head. Her mom gave a kiss on her wet cheeks.

 “Do you know about lions?” She asked suddenly. The question came from nowhere and Theresa had to think about what her mom said.

 “I do.” She then said as she recalled the said animals from an ancient textbook of hers.

 “Then you should also know that lions are living in a pack. However, there are not many male lions in a pack. Usually, there is just one or two. The other members are the lionesses, the female lions. They’re the core of the pack. They’re much braver than the lion. Lionesses are the ones that are hunting their prey down.”

   Theresa was amused by this little story, she wanted to learn more but she didn’t understand, why her mom was saying this to her right now.

 “But they would fall apart without a leader, you know? There is one lioness, which keeps all the other together. One who shows the ways… One who conducts the hunts above all the other and can make all the decisions. Theresa… Madam Lu is that lioness. She leads us and protects us. Her mom and my mom fought for our freedom but lost and got killed. Madam Lu chose to be more careful. But she still fights for us and keeps us together. She is our leader lioness. And you… Be that lioness that leads the pack, Theresa. If you manage to do that, you can have an excellent life outside. You can be happy. And you’ll earn freedom. And people… other women, whom you will help… they will love and follow you. Lead them. Women are suffering all over the base. We all need help. Do you understand?”

   Theresa nodded. She somewhat understood. She still wasn’t sure, why she had to be that lioness; she was fine to be the one, who was led by the leader. But she respected and loved her mom more than anything. If this is what she wants her to do, Theresa wants to try her best. She couldn’t do much for her mom until now, while her mom risked a lot of things in these past ten years just to be with Theresa.

   Her mom seemed to calm down and her new smile was much happier and proud in the light of the aurora.

 “My sweet child. You’re very smart, very kind-hearted and very brave. Never forget this and never forget how much I love you, no matter, where you are.”

Theresa wanted to cry again but she held it in and looked at her mom with a smile.

 “I love you too, mom.”

~¤ß¤~

 “I’ve always… wanted to have a child.”

   Doussay’s own words made her tremble a little. Her memories of that night from a very long time ago still made her chest tighten up. All the emotions that she felt that day, when she parted from her mom and all the things she learned since then… yet, a few feelings have never disappeared.

 “Then why didn’t you have one?”

Doussay looked at John again, who just curiously stared at her. She slowly smiled at him.

 “You are much smarter than this. Figure out yourself.”

John frowned and looked very confused now. Doussay started laughing at his expression.

 “Look at yourself. You’re still that naive little boy from the past before you were adopted. Do you remember you slept in my bed whenever there was a thunder outside?”

   Her voice was forcefully happy but her aching heart and those memories were covered up once more with the help of mocking this young man.

John looked even more confused.

 “Did I?” He asked with a serious concern on his face. “I don’t remember. I was just five though. But I don’t think I’ve ever feared the thunder.”

   Doussay was just messing with him. It was never a thunder, that made the boy sneak into her room but she was somewhat curious about how much John would remember about those days. Also, she was happy to cause doubt in this dumb boy’s heart, just to lighten up the mood, even if their future wouldn’t change because of this.

 “As you said, you were too young.” She waved her hand happily. “And you’re still a baby.”

   She wasn’t brave enough. She got scared. She wanted John to stay but also wanted him to live the life that he wanted. Unlike her… who followed her own mother’s dream, not her own. Despite the love of her mom and all the help she’d gotten here, she suffered from the minute when she arrived in the Outer City.

   She knew John was right about their style: Doussay gave up on her own dreams and happiness for helping her family in secret, while he was out there and made his voice heard, even risking his own life to just spread some words, that could wake people up or help those who are in need for help.

   Nonetheless, John was already eighteen. She was even called sis by the young man. From the point when John was adopted by Dr Ye at age five, she had no rights over him. 

 “You’ve changed a little bit, sis.”

   Doussay raised her eyebrows and didn’t answer, waiting for John to continue. The boy was observing her face very attentively.

 “How so?” Yet she asked after a longer silence.

 “You… mn, you look like you’re in peace. Did you find God?”

 “… WHAT?”

   The soft emotions, the worry, the anger, everything she felt suddenly disappeared, to give space for the shock. She completely lost the thread.

John laughed loudly.

 “I know, I know. You don’t believe in God.” He freed himself, lifting his hands. “You said that there is no God in this world. I know you hate that I believe in God, just like my mom. But now… you’re really different. You know, there is not only one God that exists in this world. I just thought you found yourself one. You seem to be… how to say this, just…”

   It was rare, that John lost his words and his face suddenly turned red. It seemed like he wanted to say something embarrassing, perhaps. Doussay was still a bit dumbfounded to talk; she needed a few seconds to wake up. In the meantime, she realised something: John was way better at mocking her than she was and he had tough enough skin on his face to use her own medicine against her! This boy…! He liked to confuse people as well! Doussay felt betrayed.

 “Did you hit your head somewhere, baby?” She asked after a while and she really was indignant.

   John nervously laughed, then silenced and Doussay as well, she still couldn’t figure out, what John could’ve meant by all of this.

   They looked at each other in silence for a longer time. At last, John stood up and walked over to her. Doussay suspiciously observed the serious face – this boy never really looked serious.

   The air stuck in her chest when the boy suddenly hugged her. He just bent down to embrace her tightly, so close, that she could feel his steady heartbeat. Doussay’s eyes widened, and then she started to tremble again. The room turned into a blurry mess and something was stinging her eyes.

 “I will be back. I will think about it, why you didn’t have a child, so I can tell you my answer when I come back.”

Stupid boy. Stupid boy. Stupid boy.

Doussay closed her eyes tightly and hugged this stupid boy back.

   Newer, fresher memories flooded her mind again… she’d experienced this parting with John once when he was five. But now it was a bit different, because back then, they had opportunities to see each other, even if they didn’t live together anymore.

   This one awakened those feelings again… the last strong hug from her mom, the violent shaking of the woman’s body, the moment, when Madam Lu cut her hair, helped to change clothes and they had to say goodbye to each other. She was carried away by the Madam towards that bridge…

   Her mind and soul became a mess and she buried her face into John’s shoulder, just as she did with the newborn baby once.

   It was painful to let him go. She made it without crying but the unreleased tears still stretched her from within.

John smiled at her.

 “Let’s talk in the future. Now, I have to go… Shun is waiting for me. We’ll leave immediately. I just wanted to see you before I go.”

   Doussay stood up and adjusted herself here and there, just to do something with her hands. Then she nodded. She couldn’t stop this boy and she didn’t want to. She knew just because she had an idea of what he should do, what would be the best for him, that wouldn’t be the best for him from his point of view.

   But her smile wasn’t the greatest either, as she walked to the door with him. John looked at her one more time as if he was about to say something… but then he just smiled back and waved his hand, before he turned to the corridor. He casually walked away.

   Doussay closed her room, went back to her dressing table and fell down on it. She lost all of her power at once.

   After a little rest on the hard desk, feeling the smell of the makeup, her perfumes and the texture of the desk, she calmed down. Her chest was still aching. It was the same as thirteen years ago. She had to call off some time from work back then as well.

Previous

Next

Súgó Még nincs hozzászólás.

Új hozzászólás Frissítés