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Epilogue
Yuu-chan 2024.08.14. 14:18
2161, the night of the Judgement Day.
Outside of the building, the noises of the armored vehicles were still very clearly audible, as they were sorting out people from different districts to these residential complexes; John heard them coming and going, and he knew, soon enough they will reach this building. His fingers gripped his own torn-apart prison shirt, and he tightened his embrace around his knees, as he was lying on them, hidden in a shadowy part of the corridor. He pressed his forehead and eyes to his legs so hard, that it was almost painful.
He should’ve known. She was not in the crowd at the isolation walls. And if she wasn’t there, and wasn’t at home, there was no place for her to be at this time of the evening.
He sat on the floor at Doussay’s door, after he was knocking for ten minutes straight, then someone crossed his path, and told him, Doussay had died a month ago.
He had an instinctive feeling about it… but he convinced himself that he was just being paranoid. Yesterday, at the prison cells, he heard that old geezer talking about Doussay, and his heart was longing to ask about her, but he didn’t have the time, or the circumstances were not right to ask… it didn’t seem like Doussay was dead when he mentioned her.
John pressed his lips together. Their last time burnt into his eyes. Seeing Doussay standing at the market, breaking down as she tried to reach him, breaking down because of him. Because he was stupid enough to run into the Judges right after they’ve parted. He saw the despair in her eyes, and even though he managed to keep a calm face, that sight really made him hurt all over his body. He ended up causing her problems after all.
Their promise that he could never fulfil anymore suffocated him now, and he took some deep breaths to keep it in, so much so his body cramped into a solid lump.
That promise gnawed his soul even more than seeing her collapsing to the floor.
They should’ve talked about that… they should’ve cleared things up. Since he parted ways with Mr Shaw and An Zhe, the things he wanted to say to Doussay were replaying in his head, and it was not the first time: through many nights in prison, he imagined how he would confess his feelings to her, and made up various different scenarios, how Doussay would react and answer. He saw her smile, and heard her giggle, but also he thought, she might would let her guard down, and would cry and hug him tightly… Or maybe she would be embarrassed, and would try to escape from the emotional situation.
John had a hunch, that she did feel the same way as him, but… somehow he procrastinated this talk, because they always drifted apart for longer periods, and it was not a topic, that they could discuss in just a very short time… he thought, the right time will come soon, and then… But both of them were too afraid, probably, and the time had never come. Since that day, when his father adopted him, there was an invisible wall between them. And he was the cause of that event as well… John knew it. Even if he was very young, and his memories faded about that night, he remembered, that there was a Judge in her office.
There was a sound of a distant explosion or gunshot, and he shivered. Coming up from the deepness of these memories, he sighed, swallowed once, and lifted his head up to look at the other door at the opposite side of the corridor.
What exactly he should do now? How much time he has, sitting here at her door? How is he going to find Shun without her? She was the one who always knew everything. He really thought she would be there…
“I knew you will be here.”
John was startled, and jerked his head to the left. In the shadowy corridor, a few meters away from him there was a familiar figure, leaning against the wall with dishevelled hair, and probably – according to his tone – a sparkling smile on his face.
John’s eyes widened and he jumped on his feet right away.
“S… Shun?”
“So you recognise me.” Shun giggled, and came closer. As the dim green light from one of the windows finally reached him, John was able to see his figure – he hadn’t changed a bit. Careless smile, bright, yellow eyes, ruffled blond hair, and that overwhelming aura, that made John fall in love with this young man. Well, he said young, but he was older than John, just his demeanour made him feel a lot younger than his actual age.
John gasped for air, his heart started to pound very fast, and in just one second shock, happiness, longing, sadness, regret, and shame flooded his soul, all of them felt so heavy, his throat tightened, and his eyes got misty.
“How…” It was rare for him to lose words, but his voice just broke.
“How did I know? Well, I know you.” Shun stepped closer again, so they could’ve reached each other if they wanted. The young man looked at his face, then at the door, that John was standing beside. The wide smile faded a little. “I’m really sorry for your loss.”
John’s faint smile trembled; he hung his head, and then shook it. He wanted to thank him, but then he remembered his pain, and it made him unable to say anything.
After a few seconds of silence, he cleared his throat.
“Have you heard anything about my father?”
“Yeah. He’s fine, as much as I can tell. I wasn’t in touch with him in the past two years, but I tried to keep my ears and eyes open. I think he’s safe inside this district already.”
John let out a breath that was stuck inside his lungs.
“If there’s such a thing as safe in this place.” Yet he said in the next moment.
“There isn’t.” Shun admitted with a nod. “So I came here, hoping that you will be here. John, I’m leaving with my team. This base is doomed. You know very well too. The time has come.”
John bit his lower lip, squinting. He knew what he was talking about. He and Shun were always discussed about leaving the base, and living outside, and the only reason, they haven’t done it yet, because… John liked to be here, liked to write, and liked his family. Now almost everything was gone.
“To where?”
“I found a place.” Shun seemed very proud and excited. “You won’t believe it until you see it. It’s totally liveable. In these past years… when I wasn’t busy learning how to break into a jail full of soldiers without getting a headshot…” He took a second break to giggle at his own words. “… I was outside the whole time, searching for some ancient information for you. I figured you would be mad if you can’t have anything to publish when you come out. But in the meanwhile, I stumbled upon some other things. I heard your office went down, so, I spent a bit more time after that to investigate those places.”
Although his boyfriend’s efforts did not fully pay off, John felt warmness and weakness in his chest hearing those words and that giggle. Shun had always supported him, despite John wasn’t the best mercenary on his team at all, or in any team – he was pretty bad at handling guns.
“So can I come too?” He asked as if he was a bit uncertain, and in fact, he was until now. There was a chance that Shun gave up on him after his life sentence was announced.
“I hoped you would like to.” Shun grinned again, and made another step forward to John, so they could feel each other’s heat and scent, and for John, this feeling was like arriving home. “When I realised what’s happening in the city, I hoped you escaped from the jail.”
“It took you too long to learn your tricks, so I thought I come out first.” He said with a little shaky voice, but lifting his chin up. Shun quietly laughed, John felt his breath on his own lips, and goosebumps spread over his neck by it.
“I was going to offer to take your sister too…” Shun looked at the door briefly before he continued. “But there are still some empty spots. Do you want anyone to come with us?”
John’s eyes fell down, and he frowned.
“Well… my father, if it’s possible… I would like to save him at least.” He said with a sigh. “And… there would be one more… but that old geezer would probably refuse it, and I don’t even know where he is. We parted ways a few hours ago. We don’t have our communicators anymore.”
“That’s not a problem; we can still find him if you want.” Shun smiled at him. “The military and the Trial Court are very busy now, so we kind of have a free hand over the district. So don’t worry. Do you want to bring anything from your sister’s flat? I can break in for you. This should be easier, than the jail.”
John looked at the door, placing his fingers on the cold metal, and remembered Doussay, her smile, her eyes, her cheeky movements, her flowing clothes – she was always so elegant. There was still a lump in his throat. After some hesitation, he shook his head.
“I want to be able to let her go. I feel like if I bring something from her, it will be harder… but, please… can I ask you something?”
“Anything, babe.”
It was such a long time ago, that John heard this nickname, that its effect was almost the same as when he heard it the first time around: he pretended to be an adult worker of the third underground floor, seduced this handsome lad – he was quite reckless at that time – but at Shun’s flat he got humbled very fast. That was their first meeting, and they had been together since then… even though Shun had no obligations to wait for him for two years, knowing John got a lifetime imprisonment.
John took a deep breath to build up some courage and to shake off the sudden shyness he felt.
“Don’t call her my sister. She was my… mother.”
Shun looked at him deeply, and John’s face was still hot, he had an urge to look away in his embarrassment until his boyfriend’s smile faded.
“It was damn time to say it out loud.”
The tightness that held John’s heart loosened. Shun never asked, but… he was not just good-looking, but also smart. Of course, he knew… John should’ve expected it. He nodded and hung his head again.
“I was stupid… I should’ve known, you have to say important things out loud.” He whispered, finally confessing this one out loud as well, venting it onto his beloved person to let out the pain he caused for himself. “I did this in my essays, but I wasn’t brave enough to do with her. We can’t rely on metaphors and nice frames all the time. We’re not in a fancy book, trying to be literary; we are living people with many viewpoints… Waiting for others to get the hints, because of some invisible connection is bullshit, and it will bite back at you. No one is a mind reader, and people get confused and scared all the time… Scared of being rejected, scared of misunderstandings, scared of consequences. They often don’t see the simplest things, because they’re overcomplicating everything. If you want your feelings to be understood, you have to say it directly before it’s too late… the most important things should not be left for hunches and maybes.”
“Hm… like this?” Shun asked suddenly and finally took the last step. Their bodies were touching each other, and Shun was just a little bit taller than him. His boyfriend touched John’s chin, and tilted his head slightly, looking deeply into his eyes, in a way, that John suddenly felt naked in front of him. “I missed you so much. I love you.”
Before John’s heart could’ve exploded, a soft kiss landed on his lips, and he started shaking, as he reciprocated it. Yeah… he almost forgot… they’ve never said it out loud this one either…
All the time in jail, he tried his hardest to speak about his life as if it didn’t matter much, but in fact, it was really hard for him to accept that situation. “Oh yeah, the base is so boring, so I had a boyfriend, why not…” – he said carelessly as if it was just that. It really wasn’t. “Oh yeah, do you know that woman, that beautiful one, I hope she is alive…” – he asked, but he didn’t just hope, he was scared, that she died, yet, he had to shake it off in front of others. Once he got arrested, he realised, he had to cut off himself from his family in order to protect them. He tried his hardest to convince himself that he really was that sloppy, but he battled with his regret, anger, disappointment, longing, sadness… He knew he did nothing wrong, yet he had to be separated from the world, from the people he loved deeply.
Suddenly a bolt of lightning struck him, as he just had an epiphany: this was his reward. God made him endure all those things in jail to test him, and make him lose his mother twice in order to learn some important lessons, but he also got a gift from Him in the shape of his boyfriend’s loyalty. He had to learn the hard way, but God allowed him to have at least something nice in his life, after he finally, realised His lessons. And from now on, He has her up above, and takes care of her – there is nothing to be sad about, but he is allowed to grieve, and embrace his new life. This was the least, he could do to make Doussay proud, who just returned to the heavens from where she had fallen.
John crossed his arms behind Shun’s neck, pulling him closer, embracing him tighter, and he took the lead in the kiss; he licked his soft lips in gratitude, then he bit him in pain and sorrow, then again, he sucked on his tongue as an apology, losing his breath, losing his composure, for the first time after many years, and Shun let him do whatever he wanted, he just held his waist and back carefully, allowing him to release all the tension that was building up for too long ago, until John’s tears were pouring down endlessly, seasoning their kiss with salt, and stinging into the wounds that he bit into both of their lips.
Then somewhere between those kisses, he slowly lost his energy, and he found himself in a strong embrace, his head rested on Shun’s shoulder, and he also grabbed onto his boyfriend’s shirt on his back.
They’ve stood like this for a while. John felt much lighter than he was before the kiss. His tears were dried up, and nothing was left in him, just some tiny tiredness and sleepiness.
“Let’s go then.” He heard the quiet voice. “We’ll find your father and friend, and leave before dawn. If you’re ready.”
“Mn. I love you too.”
Shun was silent for a moment, then he laughed again, his voice vibrating in John’s ear.
“Silly. I know, babe.”
That night, the Poet left his pen name and old home behind, since there was no one to preach for or come home to anymore, and before dawn, a small group of people left the remains of the Outer City in the protection of the horrible events that happened at District 6, and headed towards a new journey.
The End (or not)
Previous
Notes from the author:
Congratulations, you survived this fic!
I feel like I need to clarify some things, just so as not to leave it without any additional thoughts.
1. If a character dies “offscreen”, they are not dead. Period. No bodies? Cool, no proof of the death of the Poet and Mr Shaw. This is my version, of how they survived. (But for me this is canon. XD And you can fit this into the story just fine – we assumed their death upon An Zhe’s assumptions. We know nothing for a fact. Hm.)
2. I was always thinking, why the Poet mentioned Doussay to An Zhe exactly. There were no connections between the woman and their topic, and the circumstances wouldn’t explain it either what would be the reason to bring her up, unless the Poet had some unfinished business or connection to her, and he “had to” mention her. This is my version of that little slip.
3. I also always wondered about the meeting of Doussay and Lu Feng. Doussay said Lu Feng saved her at the city gates from a xenogenic. But what business Doussay have at the city gates, which were separated by a huge buffer zone from the districts, and only mercenaries, soldiers and the Judges were going out regularly? She should’ve never been at the city gates unless she was out in the wilderness at some point. This is my version of that meeting.
4. There is no mention of the Poet’s age. He said to be young. An Zhe was 19, so the Poet being 20 maybe seems too young, but just because we are comparing to someone, whose behaviour doesn’t show his age (An Zhe being naïve and childlike) while the other one’s behaviour could be more mature than other people from his age (the Poet, having his hard life in prison already at such a young age). The age gap in these circumstances can be perceived bigger as than it was in reality. This is my version of the situation.
6. I know there was some connection between the Garden of Eden and the third underground floor – by saying the third underground floor was like a honeycomb, and Doussay’s hair had a honeylike scent or whatever when her body had been taken away from the public square, as if the third floor would want to be an Eden 2.0, but I don’t think the queen bee status would fit to Doussay. I think of her like someone who is more fierce and a bit more sneaky and down to earth, than Madam Lu. But, it is just my version of her character.
5. I tried my hardest to keep myself to the canon story, not changing anything that was already undoubtedly in the books. Assumptions of the characters don’t count (meaning: if someone thinks, another one is died without actually seeing, then it is an unreliable narration…), but a lot of the written events and timestamps were shown in the books, I haven’t changed anything, that had solid proof of its existing. I’ve made a little timeline for myself as a core of my fic, and I thought you might be interested in it, so you can find it here: [PICTURE]
Have I mentioned everything that I wanted? Hell no. There is still so much to dwell on about the Rose Manifesto, and the underground situations of the base, I barely touched everything. I also could expand on Doussay’s past as well… but I wanted to give a bit more concrete line for her story, and not spend too much time on details. For example, her first-year experiences at the Outer City, or the character of Kyan and how is he related to her, how people accepted her as a leader when she was only 14 (why children being in this position is not that much of a big deal as well…)… there is still a lot to unpack. I also wanted to write more about the Poet, but it would not fit the story at all. Maybe I will do some more fics in the future about these matters, but for now, this is it.
And finally, thank you for reading! If you liked it, you want to criticise it, or just have your own version and ideas about the topics above, I would love to hear it!
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